I am so not ready.

Just so you know, I have stared at this blog post for the last six hours, at least.  I have written, deleted, written, deleted, and repeated about a hundred times.  I would have said a thousand–which would probably be closer to exact–but I thought you’d think I would be exaggerating.

It’s been a year.  Yeah, one whole year since I have stepped foot on American soil after a wonderfully intense 11-month adventure around the world.  I’m not sure even those words sum it up.  And I’m not sure those words sum up what has been happening in my life over the past 365 days.

I remember landing in NYC on July 30, 2011, and the whole plane (filled with mostly Q & R squader’s) erupted in cheers and joyful laughter that we had survived The World Race and finally made it back to our homeland.  I remember walking off the plane and out of customs/immigration to a sea full of  beautiful American faces.  It was absolutely insane.  But then came the goodbye’s to 30-some friends who came to know me better than anyone else in this world; 30-some people who had seen me at my absolute worst and some of my best of times.  30-some friends who I had laughed with, cried with, fought with, peed with (ha!), and so much more.  I just remember everything about that night flew by so fast without even a moment to process all that was going on.

Since then, I have walked through some really hard times.  Happy times.  Emotional times.  New times.  Exciting times.  Depressing times. and so many more.

I had all the best intentions in the world about keeping you updated on my life via this blog.  I mean, that’s why I created it.  Obviously, I have done a pretty poor job.

I can blame it on busy-ness, etc, but honestly… it’s mostly because I didn’t want to.

If you know me, you’ll most likely know that I am a very open book.  I won’t hide anything from you if you ask.  But I have to be honest, I have [obviously] been very quiet with my emotions when it comes to these heart issues.  Because it hurts.  And because I’m not sure that I even understand all that I have been and am currently going through.

I can’t promise you that I am going to be any more consistent than I have been in my writing’s, but I just wanted to let you know that I am at least going to try.  Please bear with me though, because I am so not ready to do this.

3 thoughts on “I am so not ready.

  1. It was good to hear from you through your blog. I’ve missed your updates even though I see you at church. Your World Race prayer post card is still on our frig. Taylor asked me why it was still up there because you are home now. I told her so we will keep praying for you. We love you and God has great things in store for you. Hang in there. We love you Carmen!

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