To be a little vulnerable with you..

To be a little vulnerable with you…

This past Monday evening, I cried & cried until Tuesday morning when I realized I needed to put on my “fake it ’til I make it” smile as I left for school. I was humored when the school newspaper came around to interview me first thing that morning AND take my picture (we’ll see how that turned out haha!).. everyone will now know the baggy-eyed crazy lady as the new first year math teacher who loves mashed potatoes. :]

A lot of days I really just want to quit. This is the most overwhelming & exhausting etc thing I have ever done in my life.  But I try to find those ‘far & few between’ happy moments and cling on to those.. like the football player who comes to me before class to share with me something funny that happened in the latest game.. or hearing a “hey Ms. Record!” when I see a student outside my classroom.. or watching the girl who made a 30 on her first quiz study her butt off in my classroom before school every morning and go on to make one of the highest scores on the last test! ..or the random day when I know that I taught something well and hear a lot of “oh wow! now I totally understand math!”

I may not know the full reasons why I “stumbled upon” this new profession as a high school math teacher, but I am trusting that no matter what, God has a plan to use me.  And He definitely does every day.  Some days I am just so blinded by my own “pain” that I forget to see all the good going on around me.

But I do know that each week goes better than the last.  I am getting more (not a lot more, but more) sleep than the first week of school.  I am not as anxious about things as I was, therefore I am back to eating normally too.  I still cry, but not as often.  And I typically go home at the end of the day smiling.  All of that to say…..

Thank you again for your love and constant support and encouragement.  I couldn’t do any of this without all of you and your beautiful souls!
..& why yes I did just reference Jesse McCartney ;]

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20 thoughts on “To be a little vulnerable with you..

  1. I love you, Carmen! You have my constant prayers and support!! God is with you every time you walk into that classroom and He does have a plan!! I am so proud of you!

  2. My dear Carmen…..in the last 25 years, you don’t know how many times I came home and cried…..there have also been times that I have actually been caught crying in stock room/office/bathroom, etc……but here’s the thing…..when you step out of your comfort zone, and truly let God just take control, you never know what may happen. I moved to Allentown, PA about 20 years ago. Trust me when I tell you, I DID NOT want to go. A place I didn’t know, a job that I had NO IDEA how to do, with people I had never met. It showed me what I had in me AND….. there’s a strong possibility that I would have not run into Tim again and you, my dear, would not have been my niece… So patience, my dear girl……hang in there and know that we believe in you. You’re going to have days you want to just walk out the door. It’s the staying that builds character, not the leaving. You walk in that classroom every day with your head held high….. And never let them see you sweat! You’ve got this!

    • Thank you, Aunt Donna! “..when you step out of your comfort zone, and truly let God just take control, you never know what may happen..” LOVE IT. Thank you for believing in me 🙂

  3. You are equipped, to do this task. You have been pulled out of your comfort zone, and stretched, for a purpose. As pastor Phil said this am, It’s all about God’s purpose, not about us. You will look back at some point, and have an “aha” moment, and see very clearly, what God was up to!!! Love you, and am praying for you

  4. Exhausting and overwhelming! I agree. That does describe teaching! Only when you teach do you understand the multi-tasking that is necessary for teachers at all times. At the beginning it seems that you – one person – can never be all that is needed, but it appears that you are well on your way in this short time! You have been a great inspiration to the student who learned that to succeed she must learn to study! You will be be making a mark, inspiring, and influencing these young people God has placed in your classes as you teach them math! You can do this!
    Start your day talking to God. I have confidence that He will promise to be with you whatever may come your way each day! It’s not easy, but it’s worth it!
    Your former teacher, Charlotte Barrett.

  5. I am inspired by your courage and perseverance, Carmen! I am so proud to call you my best friend. I still pray for you every time I see the clock says 11:11. I love you a ton!

  6. Great blog, Carmen! I love you! And I love how you are now a teacher. 🙂 It is awesome when you realize you ARE connecting with kids and truly making a difference. Keep pressing on, chica! 🙂

  7. my pretty, pretty princess
    i am excited for you and this amazing opportunity you have to be used in the lives of all of these individuals.
    keep pressing through and being open to how God has you there daily.
    love you and miss you!

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