To be a little vulnerable with you…
This past Monday evening, I cried & cried until Tuesday morning when I realized I needed to put on my “fake it ’til I make it” smile as I left for school. I was humored when the school newspaper came around to interview me first thing that morning AND take my picture (we’ll see how that turned out haha!).. everyone will now know the baggy-eyed crazy lady as the new first year math teacher who loves mashed potatoes. :]
A lot of days I really just want to quit. This is the most overwhelming & exhausting etc thing I have ever done in my life. But I try to find those ‘far & few between’ happy moments and cling on to those.. like the football player who comes to me before class to share with me something funny that happened in the latest game.. or hearing a “hey Ms. Record!” when I see a student outside my classroom.. or watching the girl who made a 30 on her first quiz study her butt off in my classroom before school every morning and go on to make one of the highest scores on the last test! ..or the random day when I know that I taught something well and hear a lot of “oh wow! now I totally understand math!”
I may not know the full reasons why I “stumbled upon” this new profession as a high school math teacher, but I am trusting that no matter what, God has a plan to use me. And He definitely does every day. Some days I am just so blinded by my own “pain” that I forget to see all the good going on around me.
But I do know that each week goes better than the last. I am getting more (not a lot more, but more) sleep than the first week of school. I am not as anxious about things as I was, therefore I am back to eating normally too. I still cry, but not as often. And I typically go home at the end of the day smiling. All of that to say…..
Thank you again for your love and constant support and encouragement. I couldn’t do any of this without all of you and your beautiful souls!
..& why yes I did just reference Jesse McCartney ;]